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After reading "A Husband's Essay", I asked permission from my wife to write this. She definitely believes in unearned spankings. Obviously, I am punished whenever I break one of her rules, but she prefers to avoid the unpleasantness of my breaking a rule and requiring punishment. She believes that since the husband is usually physically stronger than his wife, it is essential that she constantly reasserts her position as the dominant member of the marriage, lest he gets to feeling too frisky, and is tempted to flaunt one or more rules. As a result, I am spanked every Sunday right after we return from church.
Since she believes that when a spanking is given, a woman should appear her most feminine, which emphasizes female dominance, the timing of my spankings are a convenience to her. She is already in dress and hose as opposed to jeans she wears normally. We enter the house, and there is no question as to what happens next. Straight to the bedroom where she sits on her spanking chair and watches me remove my suit. I don't have to ask any questions, I simply bring her the hairbrush, the paddle, and her cane. I am to stand beside her while she drops my pants and shorts, then I am told to fold her skirt back (which avoids wrinkling)
At this point, she is in no hurry. I receive a lecture on the facts that women are men's natural superiors, and that they have the right to absolute obedience from their husbands and that she expects exactly that from me. She explains that though I have behaved pretty well the previous week, the spanking I am going to receive is to assure that I continue to do so in the coming week. Then she very calmly instructs me to get across her lap. What I get then also varies from one time to the next, but usually she applies a couple of dozen severe swats with the hairbrush, then pauses to ask me if I am learning anything, or to ask me if I appreciate what she is doing for me. Then comes the paddle, never fewer than thirty,and usually a dozen or so more than that.
By this time I am normally sobbing and VERY aware that my wife is the boss in our house. But she is not finished yet, I know her rules, and she expects me to report any infraction that occurs when I am away from her. She asks me if any such thing occurred that I failed to report in the previous week, which, of course, would have earned me a spanking on the spot. If I confess to one or more of these (and I have been trained to the point that I would not think of lying to her) she picks up the cane and tells me to get into position by grasping my ankles. She hasn't had the cane long, but she has become quite adept with it. I can expect a minimum of five on my already sore bottom, and, depending on her mood or the number or type of infraction, it is sometimes more.
Then it is off to the corner for me while she chats on the phone with one of our kids, or one of her friends and watches me to be sure that I do not rub any of the pain away. Sometimes, I am left in the corner longer than that while she has lunch, or what ever else she wishes to do. Everything is structured to assure her that she has impressed on me again that women are superior to men. Frankly, it works. I very seldom need a spanking during the week, and she is spared experiencing the behavior that warrants one. When she first insisted on my accepting a spanking from her years ago, I resisted until she made it clear to me that I had no choice. Since then, she has redefined our relationship. There is no bickering let alone arguing in our home. I have accepted the fact that my wife is my superior and really I am much happier because of it. They should put "love, honor, and obey" back in the marriage vows, but it is the groom who should take that vow while the bride vows to "love, honor, and correct"
Dear Aunt Kay,
We are an Italian couple and Domestic Discipline is a part of our lives. It started before the marriage, like a play, in order to make more funny our sex life.
But once I catched him getting fantasies (turned on) in front of the computer screen. I did not act like my mother would have (you know: keeping silent in the right moment, then sustaining, moaning, sobbing all life long). I took vigorously my part and he had a well deserved spanking session. I ordered him to get up from his chair, to pull him pant down and stand still. I Caught him wrists with one hand and with the other I worked him bottom till it has become red.
He guessed to have sex after. When the session was over, he put him hand on mine, and I said 'So what ?'. He tried to push me to the bed and I stopped him, put him again over my knee and I had to work again. But he understood the lesson.
Our relation grew up till marriage, who happened almost two years ago. I use to spank him when he misbehave, and he has to follow right rules. First of all respect & honour me, his Boss. It is the only way to show love: when I come back home he has to kneel in front of me, put the sleepers on my foot, after having them well rubbed. That begun shortly after marriage, and was him to start, in order to show love and devotion. He has to confess me every thought on sex, better kneeling and naked in front of our bed (I find it so exciting, maybe because I am grown up as Catholic) while I am sitting. After the confession I plane the way to better punish him. If there are not thoughts to consider I put my attention on him way to do home working.
We are happy and have a very pleasent sexual life He act like the polite hubby he has to be, althought he always needs some correction. We have a nice house, who is mostly nice and clean; and we have much friends. But our life style is a secret for ourselves only: you know, Italian are mostly macho-oriented, and it would be hard to be understood. So he is forced by me to find something exciting on the Internet (now I can trust in letting him with him PC) and we discovered your wonderful site. If you think we could appreciate your lair, I will be glad.
Sorry but I don't speak a nice English, and my husband has to help me in order to translate and he has a bad English too.
My husband, Sebastian and I love each other dearly and have been into spanking for many years. Your site, Aunt Kay, has helped us focus this activity in a much more productive and marriage-enriching way. Let me give you an example.
Sebastian is a strong personality and can get out of line with his mouth quite easily. We had been visiting friends one evening about a month ago, and on the way home Sebastian started saying some very unkind things to me about what I had said during the evening. By the time we got home, I was just so angry! He deserved such a thrashing, but I felt as if I would kill him if I dealt with him then, so I waited! We hardly spoke when we got home, and in bed we were 'back to back', and in our bed, that meant we were about 4 feet apart!
I got up early next morning and dressed for work. We have a business, and I need to look smart, so I wear a tailored suit with tightish fitting skirt, black stockings, etc. - Sebastian finds it a 'turn on' and so, I think, do a lot of the men coming in to our place! Eventually Sebastian came down expecting breakfast, but I knew there was something he needed more than breakfast!
"Come straight up to my study" I said as soon as he appeared. We live in the UK and are fortunate in having a large house. I administer correction with a number of implements, but the traditional English school cane has been my favourite for years, and with a spacious study and plenty of 'swinging' room, Sebastian has learnt many painful lessons curled round my caning chair!
I led the way. "Stand in front of my desk", I said as I went over to the chest of drawers where the canes, straps, etc. are kept. Placing the cane on the desk, I fixed my eyes on Sebastian who was looking quite forlorn. His eyes kept moving nervously to the cane as I said "I am not going to have you speaking to me as you did last night. You know you were completely out of order, and I will not put up with it. I'm going to teach you a lesson that you won't forget in a hurry, and then we'll see what you have to say! 18 strokes of the cane for you this morning!"
I rose and picked up my rattan cane. It's 30 inches long, 6 mm in diameter, crook handled and very, very flexible. I took an end in each hand and flexed it, whilst Sebastian's eyes silently pleaded with me - in vain! Ladies, at such times we must be resolute!
I pointed to my caning chair at the far end of the study.
"Go to the chair and stand behind it" I said. Knowing that any disobedience during a punishment session will result in extra strokes, he walked to the chair and stood behind it, facing the wall.
"Trousers down". Over the years he has learnt to obey quickly. "And now your pants, Sebastian". In no time trousers and pants were around his ankles and he stood bare-bottomed, with an expression of humiliation.
"Bend over". I watched as he stretched over the chair and rested his hands on the seat of the chair. "Right over, Sebastian!" I have found that if the chair back is the right height (I took Sebastian from store to store measuring him against chairs until I found a strong one with the upright back just short of his waist), then having him bend right over and actually grasping the front legs will pull his bottom tissues tightly against the underlying bone. Since discovering this little trick, my canings have been so very much more effective.
His taut little bottom looked so inviting!
"And now I am going to teach you some manners" I said, "and I do not want to hear one word from you until I've finished".
I drew back the cane. Swinging it forward with all the strength I could muster, it whistled through the air, the final flick of my wrist causing the business end to thrash into the tense tissues of both cheeks. Sebastian gasped and jerked forward. Starting to pant, he turned his head to look my way, his eyes pleading for mercy. But at such times I really am resolute!
I again drew back the cane. Sebastian closed his eyes. I paused, and after a few seconds he opened his eyes and looked round. As he did so, I swung the cane rapidly through the air, again thrashing into the target area, just below the welt already starting to glow from the first stroke. Sebastian gave another involuntary shout and again jerked forward with the impact, and started to sob.
Whack! And another shout, as I thrashed into the flesh below the first 2 welts. Whack! Shout! Whack! Shout!
After 6 strokes he started to writhe, but curled tightly around the chair, his bottom continued to take the punishment. Every stroke resulted in a shriek, and a few seconds after each stroke, another followed as I worked my way down to the top of his thighs. His face covered with beads of perspiration, and with loud sobs, he shook uncontrollably. 18 raised welts were already turning a beautiful purple, and would remind him for many days of his disgraceful behaviour that evening, and of the punishment received for it.
I waited a minute or two until he was a little more composed. "Stand up, pull your trousers back up, and come and stand in front of my desk again".
Red eyed, and with a tear stained face, Sebastian looked the picture of misery as he stood in front of my desk. He appeared to be studying his shoes! "Look at me when I'm speaking to you! You will never ever again speak to me as you did yesterday evening. Do you understand". "Yes" he replied, with a sob in his voice. "Then apologise and tell me so" I said.
"I am sorry for last night" he stammered out, "And I promise it will never happen again. Really it won't".
"All right, I accept your apology" I said. "But you will go and face that wall, take your trousers and pants down again, and you can spend a little while thinking about your conduct while I have my breakfast. And when I've finished, I'll come and inspect your bottom and make sure you really mean what you say".
I went back to the dining room for my breakfast, feeling that I had accomplished so much already that day. And while I enjoyed my cereal and orange juice, Sebastian would be standing bare-bottomed facing the wall, thinking back over his rude behaviour and the correction it had earned. Yes, today was going to be a good day! And our marriage, already a most satisfying marriage, was going to be even better in the days ahead. And I had a curious feeling that, at the end of the day, we would be having a very passionate night together!
You have a wonderful, informative and entertaining site. One of the best I've seen.
I just read 'A Husband's Essay' which deals with the issue of distinguishing fun, sexy spankings from real disciplinary whippings, paddlings or canings. This is a common topic among your writers, and not surprisingly so. It is difficult for lovers to engage in spanking without arousing some sexual feelings.
At our house, we have several types of spankings. Some are purely fun, brief 'warm-ups' that are almost solely erotic. Towards the other end of the spectrum are punishments for various degrees of discipline. Of course, most of these arouse some degree of eroticism as your readers have noted.
My wife and I wanted a way to execute a purely punishment spanking when one was truly appropriate without arousing, to any degree, sexual feelings in me. This was a difficult issue because my wife,who is very athletic and strong, is neither vicious nor brutal (as I'm sure most DWC wives are not). Also, I can take a very hard whipping or caning, so it takes a lot to focus my attention on JUST the discipline. We have a solution which works very well in our household and which may also interest other readers.
Disciplinary spankings are rated by degrees from 1 to 10. Most offenses fall in the 3 to 7 range. The rare offense that is rated 9.0 to 10.0 is considered a severe offense which is punished in a manner that virtually assures that the husband will experience none of the sexual arousal which could make the punishment more tolerable or blur its effects. My wife administer these punishment sessions only after I have been completely relieved sexually. After that, you can rest assured that I will beg, plead, apologize and promise anything to get out of the punishment which awaits me. I can absolutely assure you that the whipping or caning that follows is one in which I will be completely focused on the offense and the discipline. The session truly makes a lasting impression, and it unequivocally discourages the offending behavior. It is also the only way I've ever been brought to tears by discipline.
As you can well imagine, I do not at any level look forward to these sessions. My only fond memory of such a session is that I have willing and completely submitted to my wife, accepted her judgment and endured her punishment. For her part, it is extremely rare for an offense to be rated 9.0 or higher which, we think, helps keep things in perspective for both of us. She is a kind, wonderful wife, and I know that a 9.0 or higher offense means that I've done something, thoughtlessly or carelessly, that deeply upset her. That is something that I really don't want to do, but I am after all just a man and do make mistakes. I am forever glad that I'm appropriately punished for them.
My wife is, of course, ultimately responsible for determining whether an offense merits a 9.0, 9.5 or 10.0 (a most unspeakable offense), but I am allowed 30 seconds to appeal her decision. Ultimately, I guess I'm glad that she doesn't change her mind easily. We treat these sessions much like a court-ordered punishment. A date and time is set. These are not administered on the spot (unlike discipline for lesser offenses which is often carried out on the spot or later the same day). It is up to me to make all the preparations and assure that everything (including me!) is in place at the scheduled time.
One thing which we haven't done but believe may be appropriate is have a witness. My wife feels that a witness would be appropriate as with public floggings in the old days. Some quasi-public humiliation would add to my contriteness. Perhaps some members of DWC would be interested.
As I mentioned at the first, most of our spankings do not fall into the category above. I am spanked for fun, for foreplay, for minor/major discipline and, sometimes, just because I need it or because my wife needs to administer a spanking. The strictly punishment sessions devoid of any hint of sex or sexual tension are extremely rare. We only offer this idea as one possible solution for couples who commonly involve spanking in their sex play or for 'regular' discipline and who also seek a way to distinguish those activities from focused, severe, non-sexual punishments merited by truly offensive behavior.
Hello Aunt Kay,
I wish to share the transformation in my marriage with my lovely young wife ever since she showed me the DWC website four months back. I would like to inform the readers that both me and my wife are from northern India and are settled in California.
We have been married for three years now and I have very much been the person who has been dominant in our marriage. My wife is a shy housewife who enjoys having fun but till recently, in traditional ways. One evening, she made me read some of the DWC stories aloud and giggled and teased me saying that she was thinking of using DWC techniques on me if I did not 'behave'. I thought she was just being funny and avoided the topic little knowing that she meant what she said...
Life went on normally for the next few days until we had a fight regarding some expenses she made that I did not approve of. In my anger I told her that she was completely useless and spent all day sleeping at home while I worked hard to earn money. I knew this was not true but I said it all the same in the heat of the moment. I felt guilty for a moment but I thought she would not take it to heart.
Over the next week, we were hardly on speaking terms and even though I tried to start a conversation with her, she did not respond. This was not normal as she was the one who would always try to make up till then whenever we had a fight like a good traditional Indian wife. Finally after a week I could bear it no more and asked her what I would have to do to end the tension between us.
She said that she had been deeply hurt by my insult the week before. I tried to laugh it off saying that I did not really mean it and that I was sorry. My cocky attitude was making her angry though, and I could see that she was not satisfied. She told me that I would have to agree to be punished by her if I wanted to be forgiven this time; otherwise she would leave me and go back to India. I panicked at this threat of hers and agreed to be punished.
She then laid out the rules for my punishment in true DWC style. She said I was to accept any punishment however humiliating it might be, and not try to wriggle my way out of it. I had no option but to agree.
She sat down in her chair in the middle of the room and ordered me to strip completely in front of her. She then asked me to go and fetch her hairbrush from the drawer and give it to her. I knew that she was going to spank me but she did not start right away. Instead she ordered me to pull my ears and stand on one leg in front of her. I should point out that being made to pull one's own ears is the most humiliating punishment in India (like being made to stand in the corner here). I felt ashamed and I could sense her power increasing as she teased and laughed at me for standing in that shameful posture before her. She scolded me for my attitude for a few minutes (while I struggled to keep my balance on one leg and all this while, holding my left ear with my right hand and the right ear with my left hand as she demanded) and told me that she was going to teach me a lesson.
She told me to accept my mistake and apologize to her and I begged humbly for forgiveness. Though humbled, I felt that I was being punished legitimately and this was the best way to atone for my mistake and satisfy her.
She ordered that as penance, I must now pull my ears and perform one hundred sit-ups in front of her. She wanted me to say "Sorry dear, please forgive me. I promise never to make this mistake again" as I did each sit-up.
This punishment is commonly given to naughty boys at school in India and she said I had behaved like one. I swallowed what was left of my pride and began to perform situs apologizing all the time. She smiled mischievously at my plight, and said that she was beginning to enjoy the evening. After I had completed my punishment, she asked me to bend over. She then spanked me fifty times as hard as she could with her hairbrush scolding me all the time. I was in tears by now and begged her to stop.
She said she would, but only after she felt I was truly repentant. She commanded me go to the corner, turn around, pull my ears and kneel in front of her, and stay in that position for a couple of hours and think about what I had done. She went about doing some housework as I stayed obediently in the corner in the position she had decreed.
Afterwards, she told me that my punishment was over and that she had forgiven me. She smiled and embraced me and I felt relieved that she was no longer angry at me. I felt that my position of dominance had been eroded and my young, innocent wife had assumed control. She uses these methods to discipline me regularly since that night. It has definitely made me more caring and respectful towards her.
Dear Aunt Kay,
I just wanted to let you know that the cane did arrive in time for New Year. I called my husband up to the bedroom and had him unwrap Silent Night. He didn't know whether he was going to get it there and then or not, and it was fun to see him delay and fuss with the wrapping. After I had it in hand and had taken a few snaps at the foot of the bed he was really sweating. It was then that I told him I was saving it for when we got home from our New Year's party the following evening. I don't know whether he was relieved or wished I would get it over with.
During the evening at the party, I would, from time to time, whisper in his ear how much I was looking forward to getting home for our own little party just to see the look on his face. When we did arrive home, I poured myself another drink and told him to go upstairs and get ready for his spanking. I wanted him to sweat, so I took my time and when I did enter the room, everything was ready, including Silent Night laid on the bed beside my hairbrush, paddle and belt. I was rather hoping he would try to get away with not laying Silent Night out, but he apparently knew better after fifteen years of maternal discipline. I gave him a good OTK spanking with the hairbrush and the paddle, then told him to lie on the bed; then I made him rise up a little each time I placed another pillow under him. I made the preparations last as long as I could, talking to him about how this had to hurt or he would learn nothing. I gave him five sharp licks with the cane, trying to judge just how hard to hit him. As I said, I have been punishing him for better than ten years, so I have a pretty good idea of the effect from his reactions. The first five obviously were not hard enough, so I told him that play time was over, from here on it was business, and gave him ten more that had the effect of making the night anything but silent. He yelped, jumped, wriggled so much I had to tell him in no uncertain terms to lie STILL until I told him he could get up. He lay there, whimpering while I finished the ten that I had promised him. After his corner time, I permitted him to come to bed.
Unlike many women, I have long since ceased allowing sex after discipline - that is part of his punishment, and he has adjusted nicely so that he does not bother me on evenings that I spank him. IT WAS A LOVELY NEW YEARS!
Therapeutic Spanking and Emotional Needs: A Husband's Essay
The excellent video, "The DWC Effectiveness Program", explains and demonstrates some aspects of the lifestyle advocated by The Disciplinary Wives Club. The club's web site, www.thedisciplinarywivesclub.com, fully explains the club's purpose, its philosophy and tips and methods for implementation. In addition, it contains many testimonials from real people who live the lifestyle. The general idea of the club, of course, is that wives can and should take a leadership role in their marriages, and should use very liberal doses of good "old fashioned" spanking to keep their husbands in line and to promote harmony between the two of them.
Erotic vs. Disciplinary Spankings
The teachings of DWC founder Aunt Kay have carefully nurtured many couples as they adopt the lifestyle for the betterment of their marriages. One of her principal contributions, in my view, has been to liberate couples from the model of "play" or erotic spanking. Generally, it is the husband who has initiated the DWC process by asking his wife for a genuine disciplinary spanking regime, and it is the wife who is at first reluctant to give it credence as a legitimate lifestyle choice.
Aunt Kay gives wives the license to use the hardwood, and other sturdy and serious implements, for genuine disciplinary purposes. Removing the husband's sexual fixations (and his critical analysis and attempts at direction) from the equation allows wives to express their own feelings without embarrassment and proceed with confidence.
Typically, it takes only a few strict sessions for the wife to become secure in her power and authority to settle disagreements with the hairbrush, strap or cane. For the husband, it takes only one good session to demonstrate the difference between play acting and real spanking.
Although Aunt Kay does not advocate brutality or abuse, a female correspondent at the DWC web site found no disagreement to the suggestion that wives "err on the side of severity." Aunt Kay wrote quite literally that "the harder you spank him, the more he will love you." Love is always present in great abundance in DWC marriages, as we shall see in the following sections of this essay.
"Purely Therapeutic" Spanking
Obviously, there can be stark differences between "play" or "erotic" spanking (with strong sexual arousal and pleasure overtones), and purely disciplinary spankings (pursuant to specific sets of rules and expectations, and with the goal of changing specific and previously defined undesirable behaviors). But the two are not completely dissimilar, and there are overlapping areas as I will describe below.
The simplest use of the disciplinary spanking is to treat the hubby literally like a child. He is informed of a rule, he breaks the rule, he gets spanked and firmly counseled about his mistake. Surely, there is nothing incorrect about this basic formula. But human interactions (and human feelings) are rarely so clear cut. Don't complex emotions lie right under the surface for both parties? The disciplinary spanking is usually a bit more complex than breaking a rule and paying the piper.
Purely erotic spanking activities are likewise a bit more complex than they might first appear. Even when one or both partners are sexually excited by the spanking, isn't there much more than a sexual thrill involved in the interaction? If we were to take away sexual arousal or release by one or both parties, would there be "nothing" left?
The DWC video encouraged use of the "tone up" spanking. The tone up spanking is similar, if not identical to what I will here call the Purely Therapeutic Spanking. I define this as one which "clears the air" without necessarily resulting from any particular, clearly defined offense by the husband. It shares traits with both erotic spanking and disciplinary spanking, and is perhaps a bridge between those two, if they were to be viewed as opposite ends of a linear continuum. Another way of visualizing the three types of spankings would be as somewhat overlapping circles, and that all three overlap in the "emotions" area. I will attempt to articulate this more thoroughly below.
Like all good spankings, the Therapeutic Spanking should hurt the husband's bottom enough to make him wish it would end sooner than it does. Like the disciplinary spanking, it is given at the sole discretion of the wife, and the husband has no power to negotiate or defer. Like the play spanking, it can have blatant sexual overtones (if the wife so chooses), or even be fully integrated into a sexual encounter. Her attitude can be stern, or not, and she can give it for a specific reason, or "just because".
Finally, and most important to an understanding of what can occur anytime a husband gets a serious licking, the Therapeutic Spanking is mostly about the emotional needs of the wife and the husband, rather than discipline or play.
Meeting Those Emotional Needs
My hypothesis is that the goal of a purely therapeutic spanking is to clear the air effectively, and this especially includes those times when the husband is in fact absolutely "innocent" of misbehavior. Let me elaborate.
Almost all of us, men at least, got into spanking through our erotic desires. Even a quite painful and unwanted spanking has erotic connotations to us, although perhaps not at the time it is occurring. I suspect the wife who spanks for discipline gets at least a little turned on, even when she's angry.
Related to the complications caused by the erotic overtones, but slightly different, are inherently intertwined emotional needs. Psychologists have articulated a theory of the "imago", the idealized but real world person that we love and choose as our mate. In our deep psyche, our life partner reminds us of the primary caregiver of our childhood. The theory goes as follows: by having sought out and married a person similar to that primary caregiver, we are trying to heal the emotional wounds of our childhood separation. These emotional wounds are a natural part of the process of growing up and becoming an adult, but we seek to heal them for many years thereafter. See Getting the Love You Need by Harville Hendrix.
Speaking as a husband, I believe that both play and disciplinary spankings can fulfill this emotional need, even when they hurt terribly and we do not want the pain.
I cannot speak for any of the women, but I have a belief about the emotional needs which giving a spanking meets within their deeper psyche. I think that deep within that same place in the female heart are two distinct and essential maternal instincts or yearnings, the twin desires to nurture and to punish. Giving her hubby a good hard spanking, perhaps when he doesn't even realize that he needs one, or why, can be as thoroughly maternal and loving as putting a sweater on a sweet little toddler.
The fantasy DWC wife for the sentimental husband (one with an emotional makeup exactly like mine, that is!) would always combine nurturing with her punishments. She would thoughtfully prepare two washcloths, a warm one and a cool one, at the same time as fetches her dreaded hairbrush. After exhausting her strong right arm applying a vigorous paddling his naughty bare bottom, she sweetly hums a soothing melody while tenderly ministering to his burning, scarlet hindquarters and snotty nose. Then, while he stands in the corner, sniffling and humble, she bakes a nice tray of chocolate chip cookies. Everything is OK again, just as nice as family life can get!
All fantasies aside, it is easy to observe that spouses feel a whole lot of love from each other following any spanking, and after a particularly harsh (for them) spanking, the effect is especially noticeable. It is not the physical act itself which automatically creates the loving atmosphere; it is the underlying emotional script. For example, she may spank him because he is depressed or pouty, although has not necessarily misbehaved. Getting this spanking--and he may need a serious one, just as when he has seriously misbehaved--will meet an emotional need for him, and he will love her afterwards for giving him the attention he needed.
On the other hand, it can be very therapeutic for the wife when she chooses to spank principally because she is feeling stressed up and needs to let off some steam. She may unconsciously pick an argument to set up her reason, or she may just announce her intent without ado. But when it's over, she will feel much better. In this case, she will love him for "being there" for her--"there" being OTK on demand, accepting a perhaps undeserved and perhaps vigorous blistering just because he loves her. Neither or these spankings involved breaking of a rule by the husband, but both were therapeutic to at least one party, and more likely than not to both parties.
An excellent example is Aunt Kay's twice-a-year birthday spanking ritual, where he gets spanked, quite hard according to Auntie, on both his birthday and hers. Hubby hasn't necessarily misbehaved at all, and probably not in a particular way in any event. Therefore a key purpose of the birthday spanking ritual must obviously be to re-affirm the complementary roles in the marriage. But another purpose, equally valid, is surely to meet those ever-present deeper emotional needs of both partners. Given with the force of a true disciplinary session, it may fulfill his emotional needs in a way that a play spanking, with a direct sexual connection, might not. And coming as an affirmation of her authority, and without being driven by specific misbehavior, it can touch both of their hearts right on the spot, in real time, in a way that a well-deserved disciplinary session might not, at least not until he has had a chance to reflect on his behavior.
An ideal use of the therapeutic spanking in a highly committed marriage is to settle a (perhaps minor, perhaps not) argument or spat between the spouses, of the sort which may have arisen as a result of a good-faith misunderstanding or poor communication rather than some deliberate or thoughtless misbehavior. A nice spanking can repair everyone's feelings without overanalyzing, and possibly re-triggering the problem . Family therapists believe that a forced apology is not a real apology, and the therapeutic spanking simply avoids the apology issue. Once she decides to settle the matter with a spanking, there is no longer a question or who was right or wrong in the underlying episode. A belated apology will not get him off the hook at that point, any more than an insincere apology would work to sooth her annoyance or hurt feelings at any point. A good hard spanking helps both parties get closure and feel loved again, so that marital harmony is restored. I would rather be spanked hard and forgiven than have my dear wife angry with me. A sound licking is a better palliative than a hollow apology. Haven't you husbands experienced this? And wouldn't you DWC wives prefer to resolve your marital problems this way?
Is There A Danger Of Overreaching or Mistreatment?
Some may fear that this power to spank at will, without limitation and even in anger, can make a marriage a totalitarian contract, where the husband is always the loser. This hypothesis requires an underlying assumption that the wife is lacking in character, and that therefore she will act unconscionably if it is within her power. On a macro level, this ignores the essential nature of woman, which is kind and nurturing. On the micro level, let's just remember that we love our wives, and we married to give them that love, not to judge them or criticize their integrity or motives.
A woman who can and will vigorously spank her husband in order to enforce her will is more likely than not an inherently an "in-charge" person, one who had already claimed the dominant role in the marital relationship. The use of spankings therefore is simply a manifestation of the pre-existing respective roles of the spouses, not a definer of those roles. The spankings become the vehicle by which both parties cope with her domineering nature and are able to coexist in harmony. As such, spanking is their safety valve, a glorious solution rather than a problem. The danger of overreaching or having too much power is therefore illusory; she had the power already.
Hairbrush Happiness: Therapeutic Spanking as the Ultimate And Therapeutic Pas-De Deux Of Marital Relations
A truly intimate husband puts his trust in his wife in many ways, not just when he bares himself to receive her righteous wrath. He has given her the key to his soul and his psyche, and he can share his every fear and secret with her. He may fear her paddle, but he has a secure knowledge that he has been accepted for precisely who he is, and that she loves him. It takes a trust stronger than fear to obediently respond to, "Lower your boxer shorts and turn around, young man", particularly when he knows only too well what will happen during the thirty minutes which follows.
Thus utilized as the loving couple's safety valve, spanking is the true therapeutic balm for the strife of married life's large and small challenges. In that sense, the familiar therapeutic spanking surpasses both the erotic and the disciplinary: it becomes a central sacred ritual of their marital union. It is literally the adhesive in the permanent bond to each other, built on trust and nurtured by a deep understanding of each others' needs.
The (Not-So-Secret) Secret Ingredient: Genuine Commitment
The sine qua non of the emotional satisfaction which flows from a therapeutic spanking is of course the genuine commitment between the wife and the husband, the "being there" factor. No visit to a professional domme or casual spanking encounter could meet a man's deeper emotional needs like a heartfelt (and bottom-felt) session given by the woman he adores. When your strict and loving maternal wonder exercises her prerogative (and duty) to roll up her sleeve to deal with some unfinished family business, she does so with the higher purpose of improving your relationship. You, yourself, may be angry at her at that moment, and usually will not want to be spanked. But you have made a commitment, so, like it or not as it is happening, you will bare your backside and your soul. You will sacrifice some dignity and, alas, you will likely sit with regret afterwards as a part of your penance.
But you will be rewarded handsomely. You will find forgiveness, and you will know that you are loved. You will lose this or that minor argument, but you will have won the true prize: the heart of your Queen. You and she are happy to be together, and you two have a relationship which works exquisitely well to resolve the tensions of everyday life, and to meet both of your deep emotional needs. What could be more therapeutic than that?
Dear Aunt Kay;
I'm writing you today sitting on a pillow for some reasons I will now relate. I stopped by a friend's house yesterday and well-he is something of a reprobate and we did toss down a few afternoon beers. I went home and the phone rang-it was "la Jefa" (boss in Spanish) all right.
"You haven't BEEN DRINKING already have you?" she demanded. "Well, uh, yeah..." "YOU RASCAL!" (never been called that before!) "You're getting the PADDLE and I don't think you are going to like it..." "Yeah, yeah right sweety-look I'm really not in the mood and..." "Click," she hung up on me. I pushed the threat to the back of my mind and went online. A few hours later she pushed in the door. "Into the bedroom NOW!" she barked (I do believe she has been talking to other gals at work who are into this). "Look-I'm really not in the mood and..."
She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me across the house and into the bedroom. Next she pulled the wooden terror from the drawer and laid it across our official "husband spanking chair." In a fluid motion she then jacked my jeans and jockeys down below my knees and pulled me across her lap in a vise like grip.
"CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!" the wood sang-she was definitely not out to tickle my fancy this time around! I can read her moods by the connection she makes on my butt cheeks and this mood read like "red hot ANGER!" "CRACK! SMACK! WHACK!" the rain of fire continued as I found myself bucking like a rodeo horse.
"OW! (smack!) Easy baby!"
"Don't (pack!) baby me! (smack) Let's see (WHACK!) is this (Whack!) gets through your (Whack!) thick MAN Skull (Smack!)! NO... (WHACK!!) DRinking..(KERAACK!!) IN...(WHACKK!!) the after..(SNACKKK!) noon! (WHukAK!) Do you (SMACK!) hear me? (WAACK!)
She was laying it on heavier than ever before and I was doing the mystery dance all right - could not break free though what with her vise like hand pressing down the small of my back and my now deeply ingrained sense of obedience to her higher authority.
"I'm sorry, (CRACK!) IT won't (Crack!) OW! Happen AGAIN (CRACK) OW!" SHE has yet to get me blubbering but I believe I was close yesterday as I squirmed under the merciless wooden justice. "The strap!" I gasped at one point, "Can you please just use the strap?!"
"CRACK!! CRACKK!! CRACK!!" came the answer in a redoubled fury ("Holy Terror" is right!)
For a while she rested her arm while calmly lecturing me on the importance of preserving my health. Then she resumed laying on the finishing swats with a fury that left me breathless and gasping.
So all you bad boys are there - take a lesson from me-don't do anything that will really piss your Disciplinary Wife off! You might get more than you bargained for! You can bet I won't be dropping over to my reprobate friend's any time soon! Bruised, welted and swollen, but wiser I guess.
Love to all you jefas out there;
Dear Aunt Kay,
I want to thank you for your web site. For over thirty years my wife and I believed we were weird for the way we lived, your site has let us know that we are not alone.
Before we married I explained that for many reasons I reacted badly to verbal confrontation. Being nagged was something that my first wife was an expert at and I believe led to our divorce. We also agreed that my wife would use a good spanking to "get my attention" whenever she felt it was necessary. Our arrangement has resulted in thirty years of happiness and three well-adjusted children.
We have a paddle that resembles the "Holy Terror" you advertise and I can attest that it works. I can expect, without failure, to have my bare rear laying in position across my wife's knees for any transgression I have committed, if she is in a bad mood (even if I had nothing to do with it) or getting "too big for my britches". A typical session consists of from 50 to 150 meetings between my cheeks and the paddle, and leaves me quite sore. This usually happens on at least a weekly basis.
We also agreed that any objection on my part, or not staying in position until she is finished, would result in my being restrained in an appropriate position and the paddle being replaced with a cane. This has only been necessary about a dozen times and not for at least the last five years. Believe me, I try very hard not to object when the paddle comes out.
She also feels that if I have not received a sound spanking for a couple of weeks, I need a reminder of who sets the rules. My interest in sports is used sometimes. We may watch a football game on TV and I get five swats for each point scored by either team. It it's a pro basketball game it is one swat per point. My high school was recently involved in a state championship football game and she decided that ten swats per point would give the game more meaning to me. I was happy that they won, but with a combined 66 points being scored found sitting extremely difficult.
The benefits. We have never gone to bed mad. My wife knows that I have paid for anything I have done that displeases her or for having a generally bad attitude. Any anger she may have felt, even from something other than me, is completely released as I suffer across her knee. I never feel bad for something I may have done, believe me I pay for it. Really blistering my bottom often turns her on and, believe me, I benefit greatly from that. I even get something else to worry about if I am in a foul mood from a bad day at work.
Our arrangement would not work if she were not such a terrific woman. I always know why I am on the receiving end of the hairbrush and I believe am a better person because of it.
Again, thanks for your site.
Additional note from Betty:
Dave's standing up watching me add this note to his report. He didn't let me know he was writing about our little secret. I don't care, but I should have been informed before I found it on the computer. I let him pick three of yesterdays NBA games without knowing the scores. The teams don't matter but his picks had scores of 102-96, 117-100 and 102-99. Guess why he is standing.
I must admit I enjoy being in control as much as he seems to recognize its benefits. I also I have a responsibility to be fair and firm. And Dave will tell you that firm can be translated into quite painful. Even though I wasn't really mad, the last couple of hours have been quite enjoyable - at least for me.
If I could give advice to other wives who manage to be in control, it would be, never stop applying the paddle until you are satisfied. The condition of his bottom is something that is both needed and wanted. Extra spanks will never be as serious a problem as too few.
The Dragon Lady
Dear Aunt Kay,
My Dear Aunt Kay,
Thanks for a great site, Aunt Kay!